I am in low spirits. I am also in rural Upstate New York. I have not stopped stressing out. If it is possible, my anxiety may have gotten worse. I worked on a paper for a very long time. Several months actually. I couldn't seem to get it right. Numerous problems occurred. Wrong versions were sent, incorrect citations, etc. I am not normally that bad I thought. But I guess I'm wrong.
And webcams...fuck webcams. Fuck Streaming Servers. Fuck Quicktime. Fuck Broadcasting software. Fuck HTML. Fuck http://www.yay-fredmitchell.com . Ugh. Also fuck blogger. blogspot whatever. Fuck Christmas. I partly want to be back in my apartment in Birmingham with just Esme and I. Or something like that. I am wishy-washy. I need to get on my grad school applications and stuff but like I said I am in low spirits. I hurt someone very close to me and that has been on my mind pretty heavily since it happened. Also, I got an email that really confused me about some stuff. It seemed like an attack on me but maybe I read it incorrectly.
My family isn't asking much of me up here; they are actually giving me a lot of freedom. I think I am just being an asshole. I feel very confused about a lot of things. The only thing that I don't feel confused about is what I need to do art and school -wise. Research. Write. Read. I think I am forgetting that it isn't me that matters, but rather it is my art. As long as I stay on top of my art EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
And maybe next time I can talk about this.
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