Sharkham and I started hanging out again which is radical. It has been a long time. I am hoping he gets his bike fixed because I don't get to ride with many people often besides Alex, Meeks, and occasionally Sam.
Time has been getting me down lately. I am confused by how fast it seems to go but when I think back over the past few weeks, just a short period of time seems like an eternity. I am forgetting all kinds of birthdays. My brother-in-law's birthday is coming up soon I know but I can't remember when... Drew had a birthday on Sunday. Sky last week. My days here are numbered and I don't want to be a poor friend, I just honestly can't keep track of much besides school; I even have trouble with that because I almost turned my paper work for my assistantship at UNLV too late to get it.
I have been job searching. The assistant director of the rec center at UAB has been verbally abusing me. I want to file a complaint about it, but I know that will hardly get anything done. It will just make him leave me alone. I want him to not be able to harass anyone else. I have had to watch him mock me and other employees. He makes fun of me constantly. He has gone off the deep end. I wish that some sort of legal action could be taken against him. Oh well. I already have been hired at the Shades Valley YMCA. I get a pay increase and I think I should either have about the same amount of hours if not more? I also have been applying at other YMCA's, libraries, and city pools. I am starting to realize, my resume is pretty strong, at least for the type of jobs I am applying for. I mean I am on the verge of holding a bachelors degree and I am still applying for temp jobs. That is bullshit. I feel like I am at least worth a little more than 7.55 an hour, esp. when there is a high risk involved in what I am doing. I am really hoping I get one of the library jobs because I am aching for a change of pace, but I will prob end up taking the YMCA job and staying on at UAB as well. Times are hard and money is tight. All of the book arts and book binding and book repair that I have been learning would really come in handy at a library though... OH! I was looking for jobs and I was actually seriously considering taking a janitorial job at a library in Homewood. It is only on the weekends and I would get like 10-12$ an hour. I wouldn't have to talk to many people. I probably could hide a lot. eh...
I have been putting my nose to the grind stone on my work lately, but I feel that over the past few weeks I have slowly been losing some of my vigor. I keep seeing art in a more general sense rather than just sticking to one medium. I am afraid that if this continues I may spread myself too thin. If this is the case then something will have to be done. I have been meditating a TON, which makes me feel good but I worry that if I am too relaxed and too calm will I lose my edge? Reminds me of "Losing My Edge" by LCD Soundsystem...
Anyways from all the meditating and trying to relax and calm down, I have spent a lot of time walking around with Esme. I am glad to spend time with her and I like doing these things. It has forced me to look around me and I reassess my surroundings constantly. Almost everyday I have a new perspective on things. This temporality is frightening but at the same time it can be relieving. Taking a step back is probably okay, but I have to be careful. I have been thinking about returning to A Country Boy Can't Survive. I will probably do that before summer, but summer is an ideal time to work on it.
I keep reading and re-reading On Photography. I doing a project about it. I am basing a piece off of it. So anyways. Everything Will Be Okay.
With Love and Squalor,
f.
oh yeah,
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