I am awake. I applied to UNC Chapel Hill yesterday. Somewhat of a relief to have one of my 13 schools out of the way. I am going to be fucking broke when this shit is over. I need to go get groceries on the for real. Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks is on and today is New Years Day. For the first time since I started destroying myself, I stayed in on a New Years Eve. I was completely sober also. I can't exactly place what was so weird about the whole situation. Maybe it's the medicine, or the level of stress, or something i just don't know how to pinpoint. I have been working unusually hard to maintain friendships that I thought were incredibly important. Christmas was the eye opening experience though. For fifteen years I have called certain people and made a point to let everyone know what they mean to me. This year I didn't do that. It was weird. I got a phone call from the people who I have always called, which was great. I love my extended family who I adopted through my life.
Calls are one thing. Texts are another. If I am in the same town though...I would have just thought that things would be different. But somehow, I always knew things would end up like this. I am ready to leave now. There is nothing here for me.
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