What's the Worst that Could Happen?

So, I have been toiling over graduate school applications, making perfect grades, etc. I have spent virtually every waking hour for the past year and a half immersing myself into my work to almost an unhealthy level. I admire my friends and famous artists who make art every second they are conscious. I wanted to be like them. Although, I thought I was fairly aware of myself, and to a certain degree still feel this way, I think that I have been blinded by the light of my goal. Whether it be art, photography, film, literature, or education, I will become successful in my profession. With a great passion and strong a work ethic put towards everything I take part it, I shouldn't worry about things the way I do.

Through isolating myself from my friends and family I hoped to attain "enlightenment", but this estrangement only depressed me. A year ago I understood what was emotionally and mentally correct, yet now I am more lost than ever. I am going to get into school. I am going to do well. I am going to finish writing my story... I think.


wth lv nd sqlr,
f.

I should be flattered but the dick pictures ugh.

Merry Christmas.

I am not. hmmm maybe i'll pick this up later.

with love and squalor,
f.

I couldn't think of anything clever, So I made you this t-shirt.

Hmmm...

I am in low spirits. I am also in rural Upstate New York. I have not stopped stressing out. If it is possible, my anxiety may have gotten worse. I worked on a paper for a very long time. Several months actually. I couldn't seem to get it right. Numerous problems occurred. Wrong versions were sent, incorrect citations, etc. I am not normally that bad I thought. But I guess I'm wrong. 

And webcams...fuck webcams. Fuck Streaming Servers. Fuck Quicktime. Fuck Broadcasting software. Fuck HTML. Fuck http://www.yay-fredmitchell.com . Ugh. Also fuck blogger. blogspot whatever. Fuck Christmas. I partly want to be back in my apartment in Birmingham with just Esme and I. Or something like that. I am wishy-washy. I need to get on my grad school applications and stuff but like I said I am in low spirits. I hurt someone very close to me and that has been on my mind pretty heavily since it happened. Also, I got an email that really confused me about some stuff. It seemed like an attack on me but maybe I read it incorrectly. 

My family isn't asking much of me up here; they are actually giving me a lot of freedom. I think I am just being an asshole. I feel very confused about a lot of things. The only thing that I don't feel confused about is what I need to do art and school -wise. Research. Write. Read. I think I am forgetting that it isn't me that matters, but rather it is my art. As long as I stay on top of my art EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

 

And maybe next time I can talk about this.

4.0h My God, I Can't Believe I got a 4.0!

Five years into my undergraduate studies; One semester shy of a BFA, and guess what?

4.0

Good think I didn't drop out 3 months ago like I was planning.

I have been wanting to get this started for several months, but my school work has involved a great deal of sodomy. Also... I went to jail, Got clean, Found God, Found Buddha, Got skinny. Etc. No big deal. Anyways, I am going to finish setting up my live stream for school and re-write a ten page research paper. (I am going to get carpel tunnel no joke) But on the for real though. I will be posting here much more if all goes as planned. So check back soon. And also please check out my website http://www.Yay-FredMitchell.com. 

Oh and I told myself for months now to include the following: 

HI MY NAME IS FRED MITCHELL.

I AM A REALLY BAD PERSON.

I DO/HAVE DONE REALLY BAD THINGS TO REALLY GOOD PEOPLE.

I DO NOT REGRET ANY OF IT BECAUSE THINGS HAD TO TURN OUT LIKE THIS, OTHERWISE THINGS WOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS.

I DO NOT WISH TO HURT PEOPLE.

I AM A REALLY BAD PERSON, BUT THIS DOES NOT MATTER AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO MAKE ART.

AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE I WILL HAVE TO MAKE ART, IF I STOP I WILL DIE.

IF I SLEEP I WILL DIE.

IF I EAT I WILL DIE.

IF I DON'T WORK OUT I WILL DIE.

I KNOW I WILL PROBABLY SAY THIS A LONG ON MY BLOG...BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR TO UNDERSTAND ME; GO AHEAD AND ASSUME THAT I AM BEING SARCASTIC ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE TIME. 

I LIKE YOU.

with love and squalor,

f.