I know it is early in the game, but I am ready to retire. It can't be good if I am this willing to throw in the towel. Things are not as they appear. And I may have rushed into things with graduate school. Part of me still believes that I wouldn't have the gumption to get back into school at a later stage in my life. What if I don't have the capacity to retain and successfully deal with things at 23. Are my anxieties originating primarily from academia? Or in some extension of this realm? Most of the negative that I encounter is probably linked.
There are a lot of territory issues... I wasn't aware that I was such a menacing bastard. I thought I was going out of my way to be nice and make friends. Here's a metaphor: esme goes to a new dog park. As soon as she get off her leash all the other dogs go up to her and growl and back. She rolls onto her back to show everyone she doesn't mean any harm. And from then on she plays happily with all the other animals. What if she were to roll on her back and one of the other dogs attacked her? (Well IRL I would fucking kick the shit out of the dog that did that) But speaking in hypotheticals, that would be absurd and the other dog's owner better fucking step up and pay for the vet bills and not act like it was esme's fault. See what I am saying?
Probably not.
On an unrelated note, Pitchfork rated this album Beast Rest Forth Mouth by Bear in Heaven best new music. So I got this album. Sophomoric. There are parts where it feels like it starts to go somewhere. But I end up wondering "are we there yet?" I hope Pitchfork isn't slipping.
In August before school officially started, I was asked to clean and do repairs on UNLV's b&w darkrooms. While going through peoples' shit I found a roll of unprocessed film that had rolled under some cabinets. I asked around to see if it belonged to any of the students, but it didn't. So, I kept it until now (November) and I processed it tonight. And there are actually some decent images on it. I think it was shot with a 6x7 camera. I may scan the negatives in later. Really, I am just shocked that I remember how to do any traditional b&w photography. I have been assisting teaching it, but until tonight I didn't know if I could actually do it.
Also, I got some film back from Los Angeles yesterday that I am incredibly happy with. Mostly I just am amazing that I found a business who actually take pride in what they do, and this place most certainly does. And I bought a Contax T2. It was super cheap, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Uh. Large Format images to come in the near future as well.
I feel like I have done nothing whatsoever. Ever. I have a problem with trying to be productive. I feel like since I moved I have not been productive at all. Except with paying bills and running errands. Also, I have read books. That's pretty much it. No art. I may have peaked.
Since late 2007 I have been compiling a lot of images. With my arrival to Las Vegas, I have been sorting through these files. I am slowly starting to pick and choose images to display out of this massive collection. I have digital files as well as slide film, color negative, and traditional black and white. It is both depressing and exciting for me to go through these/display these. But I am trying really hard to stop kicking my own ass.
Ashley will be arriving here in a few hours and I am dying to pick her up from the airport.
Well. It appears no matter where I go, I cannot escape myself. I am probably my own worst enemy. With as much fighting myself and my own ideas as I do, it would seem I would be able to sleep soundly each night. Yet I am tossing and turning every night. My jaw is beginning to lock up the way it used to and I don't know what to do. I am taking new photographs. I have been scanning new negatives. I have been re-scanning old negatives. None of it seems right. I spend too much time looking at other peoples work and comparing myself to what they are doing. Not enough time trying to show what I am doing.
I am doing things. But when I am looking at what I see I frequently am unimpressed. So much of the work that I am exposed to is either aesthetically boring or conceptually boring. Sometimes just all around poor. Shitty point and shoot documentary of the mundane. It seems like the number of "artists" and the number of "photographers" are increasing at an alarming rate... and I don't believe even 1/100th of them are talented enough to deserve any recognition. Especially when the talent lies primarily in the process that is left up to a device rather than an individual. For example, I would like to submit my work to a competition that I have been following for quite some time... well the other day I was lurking their blog and noticed that someone who I know in a sort of off hand way was one of their highlighted entries. HIS WORK FUCKING SUCKS. Nothing to it. Pisses me off.
I really would like to show what I have been doing....
So it has been established that I am somewhere else. It is dry here. I have had something like a mental block when I attempt to create. It is strange for me to not have a million obligations everyday. It is almost like my new freedom overwhelms me. That reminds me of this...
Well that video didn't have the clip that I was looking for but that's alright. It does have the beginning of the clip I was trying to find. Plus it has Larisa Oleynik. Seriously, I love that movie.
So where was I? Being overwhelmed, yes? I am just used to having so many more responsibilities. It is not that I am without inspiration. Quite the opposite really. I frequently have ideas. I am fairly certain my anxiety arises along with gumption toward getting started on new projects. Blah. I don't know. I am stuck up at UNLV monitoring the labs...but I suppose it could be worse...
I live four hours from Los Angeles, ten hours from San Francisco, six hours from Tucson, and two and a half hours from Utah. That would put me right about...
So there it is. And now you know. So there are no excuses why I don't receive copious amounts of care packages from all who know me. Knew me. Whatever. So there are no excuses why you never respond.
Although I am not exactly sure what it was you heard. Most people say that I have not been around because I had lost my shit. To be honest, I am not sure if that was the case. I am sure that in the fall I took a good bit of LSD. That is acid. Usually I was alone. Also, I watched a lot of films and shows by David Lynch. It was great fun for a bit.
At some point I went to Jail. Also you may know that I was depressed. Not my choice of words but I save the semantics. For several months I stayed in my apartment most of the time. After I got out of Jail I stopped drinking. Now I continue to pay rent for my apartment, but I spend the majority of my time at my girlfriend's house. She lives a block away. I do not like my apartment because it reminds me of hallucinations. Sometimes it reminds me of a time I thought I was trapped inside of a piece of wood. But that did not actually happen. I knew I was not really in the wood. Anyways.
Currently I am having a slightly difficult time typing because in the past twenty-four hours I have managed to stab/slice my left and right index fingers. Ashley does not have any band-aides for some reason. Luckily, I found some medical tape in my art supplies, which I used it to stop the bleeding. So, now I am attempting to type with two Ruby Roman grapes on the tips of my pointer fingers.
My coffee tastes like french fries. That is gross.
Anyways, I am again responding to a question posed by my good friend Jonathan M. Hicks. Since this post is public, I am going to refrain from commenting about photographers/artists. Although I am strongly opinionated I hope that does not shine through...
hmmm I will think for a little while and then go again. Sorry this is primarily artists using photography so far. We will always be children of our time.
Okay, First things first, What do you want to do? That is what you have to ask yourself. Are you interested simply in Photography? A lot of the Graduate level programs are geared in completely different directions but they do not usually specify that in their information. Some of these directions are Commercial Photography, Fine Art Photography, "Conceptual Photography", and Photo-Journalism. Each of these is equally important, but if you are wanting to do say Conceptual Art and you are at a school where they are interested in showing you new technical tricks of the trade, then you may become frustrated with your work. I found that a lot of the rankings put all the programs geared toward commercial work, and understandably so, commercial photography is very important. These programs often concentrate on just technical aspects. Fine Art Photography programs seem to be more traditional. Normally, I found that MFA programs like these do NOT want anything innovative or progressive. A lot of the SouthWest schools fall under this category. They will have nice facilities, but unless your portfolio consists of Large-Scale, traditional, black and white images consisting primarily of landscapes (maybe a touch of selenium toning, hell! why not even some sepia?) these schools may not be for you. Unfortunately, these two types of Masters degree programs already mentioned (Commercial and Fine Art) usually have the most opportunities for financial support.
I doubt that many people will agree with me on this, but I feel that some programs that are "Fine Art Photography" are more like "Conceptual Photography". (Also, I forgot that there could be people reading this that do not know that I am a sarcastic asshole. I probably should write this sans tone, but I don't like writing that way. So when I said that thing a few lines ago about large-scale traditional b/w work I was mocking them.) Anyways I find that Fine Art Photo is usually more stale, and Conceptual to be more progressive. (if you want elaboration just let me know because I don't know if I did a good job of explaining this.) The important thing to take away from this about Concept Photo programs, is they are diamonds in the rough. Often these departments will employ an incredible roster of faculty members who are still making interesting art (notice I said art not just photography) but who are also excellent educators that will motivate you. I found a hard time finding a lot of these while I was on my search for grad school, but started to see more once I investigated after I had settled on a school. But I would say examples of these would be similar to University of Alabama at Birmingham. If you find a nice school with a situation like this they may be the red-headed step child of the school and may receive less funding but I think they are GREAT!
Finally, I hate to say it, but I know little about Photo-Journalism programs so I have little to say about them. Mostly I do not want to misinform anyone.
Important things that I took into account when I was searching for the right school were Faculty, Facilities, Length of the programs, Courses, Alumni, and Benefits. I spent a good bit of time looking at Faculty work. I thought that was something pretty important. If you are working with someone who isn't producing their own work any longer they may not motivate you to do work. What about someone who's work is unlike yours versus someone's work who is just like yours... personally, I believe that going with someone who's work that you find provocative in some way and it may not necessarily be exactly like yours, but you are going to be learning something by working with this person. I mean you are going to grad school to learn and grow as an artist and if end up choosing to work with someone that will not challenge you, then you are wasting your time and money. I mention Alumni because you will wanna know if people are coming away from the program you are entering with successful careers.
Although the direction of your work will certainly change between now and when you graduate with an MFA, if you have an idea of things you would be interested in doing with future work then check the school to see if they have proper equipment to support your endeavors. Personally, I know that I am interested in trying to explore other mediums in my Grad Studies so I told the programs that because sometimes they will not let people intermingle with other disciplines. Just something to think about too.
I found that a lot of people disagreed on there being a set length of a program, but I felt like getting the most time where I can just be a student and be creating without having to worry about having a full time job on top of being a full time student on top of being a full time artist etc. would be best for me. Also, if you are interested in teaching, I have heard rumors that colleges are preferring 3yrs MFA degrees to 2yrs now, but I do not know if that is true.
Courses at some schools like Yale and UCLA were fucked-up-good. But they allow 0 students in each year... Alas. Good thing we know how to read and teach ourselves things. But seriously there are opportunities at some schools to take classes not normally offered at others and that is nice. Benefits like money they can give you is also important. So you should look at each school and see what they offer with assistantships and fellowships and grants and endowments and there are a lot of opportunities outside of just the department. It is worth explore for a couple of hours to get out of having to pay off loans for a couple of decades.
USA Today Ranking I don't personally agree with all of their decisions on there. A pretty accurate ranking that I have heard about but never actually got to use is published by the College Art Association. If worse comes to worse you could just Google it. Also, I tried to ask EVERYONE if they knew of anywhere.
Anyways, here are some schools that I like...
UCLA
Yale
Colbumbia at Chicago
Ohio State University
UNC Chapel Hill
University of Washington
Indiana University
University of Nevada at Las Vegas
University of Nevada at Reno
University of New Mexico
Arizona State University
My dog is making me really angry so I am done writing for now.
I have been lax with updating. For that I am sorry. Hmm. I can't remember the last time I posted... I suppose I will just go over everything new.
I am moving to Las Vegas in August. I will almost immediately begin my first semester of Graduate school. Additionally, I will start my career in teaching at the collegiate level. I am incredibly excited about this but am not putting a considerable amount of thought into it because it isn't what is going on at the moment.
In the past few weeks I have installed my first real show. It was at the UAB Visual Arts Gallery. I have also for the first time uninstalled my first real show. It was up for about 10 days. Tomorrow I am graduating from undergrad. My family is in town from all over. We will be eating foods. So that's neat.
I am going to go work on binding a book. Maybe I will come back later and post more because I do have a lot to say. We will see I suppose.
I have been very busy. So much school work. So much art. So little breathing room.
Hello my name is Fred Mitchell. The title of this post is an excerpt from a speech I wrote last week. It was about my art. In the past I have primarily utilized photography to express my artistic vision. Over the past few months I have endured a considerable amount of chastising from my peers and mentors about photography as an art form. I know that I have mentioned in previous posts that I have been reading Susan Sontag's On Photography. I was partly reading Sontag's essays on photography because I hoped that there would be some sort of quip or rebuttal I could find and use against these people. Unfortunately, so far I have been unsuccessful. I have learned a good deal about photography as art/photography as documentation though. I just keep coming across issues that make me question whether or not I should even continue with my art. It doesn't help the matter that I am taking twelve studio art classes (none of which directly involve photography), and I keep coming across people who make me question the validity or importance of what I am doing. Since my work is becoming more personal I really am just questioning myself as a person and as an artist. I am not a photographer. I am an artist who uses photography as a tool to convey my artistic purpose. I do not feel good about myself as an artist or as a person right now.
I have now received assistantships from the University of Washington in Seattle, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and University of Nevada at Las Vegas. I have to make a decision soon but I don't know what I will choose. Those are the only three schools that I was offered assistantships from. I feel honored to have been offered such generous moneys from great art departments.
I guess the rest is up to me. So, sleepless nights will ensue. Tossing and turning MFA programs over my mind, imagining which school could launch me into a successful career as an artist and an educator, but all the I will be pushing my tongue against the roof of my mouth and I'll be clenching my molars causing my bite to become slightly misaligned. Is this an excuse I can use for my lack of an appetite? Is it really? Maybe is it the thought of a grandiose failure? Maybe I simply forget? I guess a little of each will attribute to my weight loss. My birthday is Friday. I remember what I was doing two years ago. I wish I wasn't such a bad friend to the people who have been there for me.
I actually have had trouble leaving my apartment because my panic attacks have become so severe. But when I had to give my speech last Wednesday I pulled my shit together as the last minute. I actually was proud of the whole deal, although my work did not look as good as the rest of the students, I did feel like I was able to articulate myself fairly well. Maybe I will be able to pull myself together again at the last minute and finish this semester with the GPA that I hope to get.
I started my new job with the Birmingham YMCA last week and a kid pooped in the pool. It is significantly better than UAB. Also, for my deer bike project I have found some ridiculous things on the internet like a deer leg, which I am going to be purchasing among other odds and ends. So, I look forward to showing that work. Now, I am going to work.
Sorry to all my friends who have to suffer by my hand for me being a poor friend for you. Now I must listen to these men who are shouting below my window.
Once, I when I was locked up, I had this song by DOP stuck in my head. Then, a man was brought in who was a murder. He screamed. Other people, like the guard, screamed back at him. Then I had the original version of Darlin by the Beach Boys stuck in my head.
I have been having a panic attack for several days now. I shouldn't be posting on here because it is taking away time from what I probably should be doing. My throat closed up last night. Ashley came into my apartment right as it was happening and I couldn't speak or breath. I thought I was choking on food but I wasn't. Then I was overwhelmingly lightheaded and I had to sit down. So I did not get to ride bikes or hang out like I wanted to last night. Oh well.
So many good finds lately at thrift stores. I am sure that I have already mentioned the numerous wolf shirts and furniture I have acquired. Yesterday I was about to make some new additions to my things, such as a purple tank top with giant bold text that says, "I'll be back" WTF? plus i found a pair of suede Keds Ankle boots. Lots of polaroid manuals was what I went looking for and I found a good bit of those, so that was a plus. Stole some things. hmmm I am going to go appropriate a chair to do my work in. I want to publish a solid post today on here. We'll see if that happens won't we?
Finally, I have finished the web cam project. If you are interested in viewing it or what I am doing, you should go to my site and check it out. It was a project about the voyeuristic aspect in constantly being able to watch what someone is doing without the subject being aware. The camera may not always be on, but I try to keep it up.
I am going to work on my totem pole in a moment. And do a little book making. good day.
I have been trying to keep it business professional via the haircut/facial(-fest-ivities-)hair. Alex pretty much cut my hair into a fade with a come over, which I gotta say, is pretty gnarly. As Always there are a lot of things going on. I have difficulty getting it out sometimes though. I am pretty sure this will be a hard rambling to endure. (For the reader I mean.)
Sharkham and I started hanging out again which is radical. It has been a long time. I am hoping he gets his bike fixed because I don't get to ride with many people often besides Alex, Meeks, and occasionally Sam.
Time has been getting me down lately. I am confused by how fast it seems to go but when I think back over the past few weeks, just a short period of time seems like an eternity. I am forgetting all kinds of birthdays. My brother-in-law's birthday is coming up soon I know but I can't remember when... Drew had a birthday on Sunday. Sky last week. My days here are numbered and I don't want to be a poor friend, I just honestly can't keep track of much besides school; I even have trouble with that because I almost turned my paper work for my assistantship at UNLV too late to get it.
I have been job searching. The assistant director of the rec center at UAB has been verbally abusing me. I want to file a complaint about it, but I know that will hardly get anything done. It will just make him leave me alone. I want him to not be able to harass anyone else. I have had to watch him mock me and other employees. He makes fun of me constantly. He has gone off the deep end. I wish that some sort of legal action could be taken against him. Oh well. I already have been hired at the Shades Valley YMCA. I get a pay increase and I think I should either have about the same amount of hours if not more? I also have been applying at other YMCA's, libraries, and city pools. I am starting to realize, my resume is pretty strong, at least for the type of jobs I am applying for. I mean I am on the verge of holding a bachelors degree and I am still applying for temp jobs. That is bullshit. I feel like I am at least worth a little more than 7.55 an hour, esp. when there is a high risk involved in what I am doing. I am really hoping I get one of the library jobs because I am aching for a change of pace, but I will prob end up taking the YMCA job and staying on at UAB as well. Times are hard and money is tight. All of the book arts and book binding and book repair that I have been learning would really come in handy at a library though... OH! I was looking for jobs and I was actually seriously considering taking a janitorial job at a library in Homewood. It is only on the weekends and I would get like 10-12$ an hour. I wouldn't have to talk to many people. I probably could hide a lot. eh...
I have been putting my nose to the grind stone on my work lately, but I feel that over the past few weeks I have slowly been losing some of my vigor. I keep seeing art in a more general sense rather than just sticking to one medium. I am afraid that if this continues I may spread myself too thin. If this is the case then something will have to be done. I have been meditating a TON, which makes me feel good but I worry that if I am too relaxed and too calm will I lose my edge?
Reminds me of "Losing My Edge" by LCD Soundsystem...
Anyways from all the meditating and trying to relax and calm down, I have spent a lot of time walking around with Esme. I am glad to spend time with her and I like doing these things. It has forced me to look around me and I reassess my surroundings constantly. Almost everyday I have a new perspective on things. This temporality is frightening but at the same time it can be relieving. Taking a step back is probably okay, but I have to be careful. I have been thinking about returning to A Country Boy Can't Survive. I will probably do that before summer, but summer is an ideal time to work on it.
I keep reading and re-reading On Photography. I doing a project about it. I am basing a piece off of it. So anyways. Everything Will Be Okay.
I did not get as much done yesterday. However, I did break out the cut-offs. Lucky for everyone who saw me, they were the pair with the greatest difference between each leg. (About an inch/inch and a half). Currently, I am on the day before my final spring break of my undergraduate career. I must say, I am am surprised at how quickly my undergrad has gone by. Fuck...I am feeling nostalgic. I am going to go chug boiling coffee.
So, I had an interview with University of Washington in Seattle last week... then the next day I received an assistantship from University of Nevada at Las Vegas. That was radical. I am considering making a road trip out to UNLV in two weeks during my spring break. But that depends heavily on my school schedule. Specifically, I have to finish a lot of pieces so I will not get behind. I am going to be doing some molds for ceramics and those take time... contrary to popular belief, time actually is not on your side. There simply are not enough hours in the day for me. Lately I have been missing the days were I was lazy and could hang out and get wasted and be content. Those were the days. Now I make art about those days.
Rode in an alley cat race last Saturday. That was fun.
I am a little out of sorts at the moment. As usual I have taken on too many projects. I like being busy. I work well under pressure, although it does a number on my nerves. I feel a ramble coming on... So far my book projects are almost caught up. I have concepts for future projects in that class so that is a plus as well. I checked out like 13 books on traditional styles of binding books and I have already finished one and began another. That stuff is incredibly interesting to me, but I am uncertain if I will be able to spin it into the arsenal I am accumulating for processes and techniques that can be used in my art. I have been meditating frequently and I have noticed a positive shift in my attitude and actions so that is radical. I taught myself how to crochet...I don't remember if I mentioned that. If so, I wasn't crocheting correctly until yesterday. I figured out almost all the stitches in the shitty "I Taught Myself How to Crochet" book that I bought. The pictures in it are hilarious and the sizes of the things to make in it are all for women, young girls, or babies. Since I am none of these this is somewhat a problem. Also, the book's system of doing things is fucking retarded. Nonetheless, I have prevailed over the stupid author of that damn book. I made a gnar gnar mask yesterday. I plan to go gather some Kudzu when I finish writing and crochet some shit with that today. I will photograph it for one of my classes and maybe post the photos of it. I made a harness out of english ivy last week. Also, I made my own wheat paste and tried to use it to spin my own thread out of english ivy... lets just say it did not work. (and it looked/smelled disgusting).
I appropriated a giant trash bin to store my vines inside for my sculptures, but the original owners of said receptacle were not pleased with my actions. Many emails were sent to the art dept. Oh well. I returned it but they are still angry. D-bags.
I spoke with Rebecca Cummings from the art dept. at University of Washington in Seattle yesterday. Technically, it was an interview, but I considered it an enjoyable dialog. I am not sure if I got in but she did end the conversation with "we will contact you with an offer in a few weeks." I dunno what that means for sure. I don't want to get excited.
I have been eating a lot of Zaxby's because I have a lot of free cards to it. Their food is kind of gross after a while. I will keep eating there until the cards run out.
I went to a thrift store with Rachel, David, and Ashley last Saturday before the race. This place was so jam bomb that I spent 16.75. So many clothes that fit me it wasn't even funny. I went to "The Olive Garden". Ashley had a free gift card. I got the tour de italia...our waitress Tamika was a fucking idiot and would only serve us whenever the tables around us needed something. I rarely don't tip at all, but bad service is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I ordered a coke and when it came time to refill my glass she wandered off and by the time she had made it to us to refill it, the pitcher that at one time had ice in it had all but melted leaving a 1:3 ratio of coke and water. Stupid bitch. And the tour was definitely sub-par.
I am making a ceramic combine contemporary totem/shame pole. Too bad Craig doesn't live here anymore to help. He is taller than me. So I could make it a little taller...
I am going to be volunteering one day a week now at Green Cup Books on Richard Arrington on Sundays from 12-4 (hours may vary). But I am super stoked on this. My real job, however, is becoming increasingly unmanageable (no pun intended). The management is consists of a trifecta 0f high school bullies. They like to stir up trouble whenever possible and health and safety mean literally nothing to them. We are doing what research we can to combat the problem, but I feel my days are numbered working at the rec center... maybe I'll go look for a new job...
I think these things are funny. Also, I highly recommend checking out the hyperlinks on here...they aren't what you think they are.
So anyways, Do you listen to you classical records anymore?
I found some amazing stuff recently. Michael Fried article in the newest issue of artforum and then photographer named lily mcelroy. Also artist named olaf bruening. Okay. i am going to chug coffee and get things done.
Ps. if you are ever curious how to do something you can just youtube or google it. That just occurred to me since i broke my book bag and want to keep the original hem on my pants.
For several days now I have been thinking about some business that I have been letting get to me. You see, I invested a great deal of time into a friendship, which I valued greatly. I considered it to be one that would last because it had endured some pretty unusual hardships. Little did I know...
For anyone who reads this, who may not know me, if you take away one fact about me let it be this: I LOVE MONEY SO MUCH I WILL MAKE LOTS OF MONEY AND BE HAPPY THAT IS WHY I TRULEY WANT TO BE AN ARTIST AND AN EDUCATOR! I WILL MAKE SO MUCH MONEY.
Just a little upsetting when the ones close to you are dwindling.
I made a mistake... you see, this started about a week or so ago. Alan and I found a garbage bag full of bagels in a dumpster. I have been eating these bagels in various way since I got them. I have a giant bag in my freezer that was overflowing. Blueberry. Whole Wheat. Onion. Lemon Poppy seed. Other things.
I like cinnamon toast. I like a lot of breakfast foods. This morning I was substituting normal bread with bagels and making cinnamon toast with some wheat bagels. So I go to take a bite. Not wheat. Lemon Poppy Seed Wheat. Sour. Sour cinnamon toast. Rats!
Anyways.
I taught myself how to crochet this week. I am almost finished with a sweater that I started yesterday. At first, the process was frustrating, but once I got into a groove it was relaxing. It turned out to be relatively easy. I made a lot of books. Also, I started on some antlers.
Oh sweet, sweet goodness. This is the moment I never thought would come. I have finished sending off my graduate school applications. Twelve schools. Hopefully I will get into at least one program, although I doubt I will get into any of the really good ones I applied to because for some reason I applied to every top photo MFA program. I would be pleased to be accepted into just one program, so if that goal is accomplished then I am happy. I just can't believe I did it though. Sending things off was incredibly difficult. Statements. Cds. Forms. I am dizzy remembering that business.
I taught myself coptic binding this week. I like it and think it is a lot of fun. Also, on a related note, I had a dream that I beat the shit out of one of my professors. Weird. I am helping Alan move today. I always get a little sad when moving because I remember times spent at wherever the place is, even if I hate the place I still get a little nostalgic. This is never good seeing as how I do most everything I can to forget most memories I have. Oh well. Speaking of Nostalgia, while cleaning my desktop off this week, I eventually moved to the interior of the desk and came across many memories. This is not unusual. One is bound to uncover relics with memories attached in a situation like this and of course I did. The unusual thing was, during the hour I was laboring away I received two phone calls from old friends and like 7 messages/comments on various networking sites. Kinda weird. And related to this, Feb. 2 is in two days...
Anyways, I got a letter telling me I have a photograph that will be published in an upcoming issue of Photographers Forum for making it into the Finalists group for a grant I applied for several months ago. Also, the same photograph will be published in an upcoming book called Emerging Photographers of 2009. So that is exciting and I wish I could have had that on my resume for all these schools I just sent my resume to. But it is okay. Alan is waiting on me. Let me find some videos to tide everyone over real quick.
Apparently this is what I am like frequently. I am okay with that.
Ah. I have spent like 25 hours in the studio this weekend. Not consecutively but over like three days. Actually, I am trying to do the math in my head and I may have underestimated that number. I also may have destroyed my computer by taking it to the ceramics studio. Oh, I guess that I should clarify that point, I have been at the ceramics studio, not photography. I have some work in the future that I thought would work well as three dimensional pieces used in performance and installation but also as photographs and maybe a short film. I am super stoked on getting the process down, even if it did take up my whole weekend.
So, I have been heavily researching book arts (another course that I am taking) and the stuff baffles me. A large portion of the things that I have come across on the internet were not good. Or maybe I am spoiled because we have Doug. His work kills me. I was getting worried because I kept having ideas pertaining to book arts...I know, I know this is ludicrous right? I mean I only do photography?! No. I need to not worry about this. I need to worry about how to tie in my aesthetic into my books. I will probably end up doing something polaroid cameras. Oh well. I love Polaroids, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like it would be a cop out for me. I would like to do more than that. It seems like and easy solution to me. I do have some ideas in the future though, and I will definitely be doing those before the course is through. Taking four studio courses and trying to seriously make decent work in all four of them makes me think that I must be absolutely mad. So much work. Lemme see if I can show you something nice though...
If Alan and I were in Justice...
Also, Alan has some new stuff going on with his site so everyone should go look at it. AND! Mt St Mtn has a song up on their myspace. So look at those please.
I am in a foul mood. I don't know why. I want to delete all of my music off my itunes. I hate when I am restless like this. I usually end up shaving my beard or doing something to how I look. I have to stay focused. A shark dies if it stops swimming.
Currently I am drying my handmade paper via oven. Out of eight sheets I have finished four. I am relatively happy with them. I made them with kudzu that I picked the other day. While boiling the kudzu I got really sick and threw up a lot from the smell. I couldn't open my windows though because I have stuffed stolen towels into them to keep my apartment warm.
I spent over a hundred dollars the other day at the flea market, but I got so many amazing things. The majority of it was school related, but I did find a lot of books that I bought to actually read and not just tear up. Sixty-one books total. Probably half of those are going to be destroyed. Or rather, I am going to use them to make stuff.
Now that I have bored everyone who would bother to read any of this, I will post humor... posthumously post humor. Ha. okay.
Speaking of p.s. Alan and I worked on some of my old film images and found gnar gnar images of Markham and Meredith. Not together. But I will try to post those soon. and maybe put them onto my site.
*Fictitious statement was made when I said there would be no priority to these; tabs are subcategories of the headings.
John presented the class I was in yesterday with a fucking bad ass format. When I talked to him over the break, he described the format of the class to be "a more post modern way of teaching". He has lived up to his words. I came in late as usual so they had began without me, but they were telling jokes. John wanted everyone to tell a joke, which he tied into how humor is related to art. I am not sure if you know this, but I am incredibly interested in post modernism so I was more than enticed by this way of going about things. I think that the indirectness draws you in and can appeal to more people. I am not able to write on this topic for some reason. People keep distracting me.
I have countless productive things that I need to be doing, but I am not. I needed a break. This weekend I have to gather a SHITTON (pronounced shh - it - ton) of kudzu. I am driving south to photograph a strange parade. I have a doctors appointment. I need to work on three books. Fuck I suck. Hmm Accordion fold, Pamphlet Sewn signature book, and some sort of monstrous fold monster. I am going to look for some stuff to use for this today. Tomorrow also. Down south. Monday I make paper. I need to call around about acquiring deer parts such as hide and antlers. Shit, I also need to go up to the studio and work on stuff for ceramics. And I need to photograph something at a party tomorrow night. Goddamn-it. Oh and I still need to finish that stupid fucking web-cam shit on my site. Of course there are still five more grad applications too. Ugh.
Countless books to read. Countless things to do. I don't understand how anyone can ever get bored. There is always so much to do.
Or rather, deadlines. I am getting bent over by all this business and I don't even know for sure if I will get in anywhere. Or worse yet, I don't know if I will get in to somewhere I don't necessarily want to go...
I know, I know. If I applied there then I must want to go; Why would I apply to schools I don't want to go to, its a waste of money. HUGE waste of money. Well I want to go to any of the schools I applied to and although I say I am not picky, I think I actually am slightly choosey. Fuck it. Worry does not help.
I have successfully frightened a large portion of my classmates by constantly making inappropriate jokes about pedophiles and mustaches and theft. Apparently people don't realize when I am serious and when I am kidding; I don't mind that one bit. Speaking of which, I hung out with my old roommate John last night. We are like an relentless tag team of wit. We went by Forstall to pick up some of my supplies for the semester and he was lurkin' all over the place. But shit really got hot and heavy when we went to U China Buffet! Shit. I don't know about other people, but I Fucking LOVE Chinese buffets. Totally authentic all you can eat Chinese food. MMMMM Slam city. For real though, what could be better grounds for our conversation: Asians, All you can eat cold meats, Soft-fucking-serve Ice Cream, Obese Families talking about incestuous orgies? Money. I definitely got my ten dollars worth. Came back to my apartment and watched the roast of Flavor Flav from a few years ago. OH FUCK. Shit was on point. Snoop Dogg, Patton Oswald, Carrot Top, Ice T, Katt Williams (who is surprisingly hilarious). Needless to say my stomach hurts from convulsions. Oh and John gave me 4 gbs of gangster rap; unfortunately I have so little space on my hard drive that we weren't able to fit the entire library of Tupac*.
Right. So I was kicked off the torrent I have been using. Damn. It is back to radio rap for me. I had something to say and I forgot what it was...
Oh, go look at my site, I have added new work and changed some things around. Rainbows. That's right. There are Rainbows on my site. Gorgeous. http://www.yay-fredmitchell.com <-------- peep that, yo.
Last summer, after a long day of working hung over as hell under a hot beating sun, I was coming home on my bike. I was excited about getting off work and I was pedaling really quickly. My bike is fixed, and at the time, although I had breaks, I didn't use them. Also, my left toe clip was missing. I was going about 30/35 mph when I lost control. I tried to regain composure and get my foot onto the quickly rotating pedal but it was to no avail. My foot hit the handle bars that were already wiggling.
First my head broke my fall. Luckily, I wasn't wearing a helmet. Next my shoulder. The tangled mess of bike and legs flew over my head; I proceeded to skid for several feet down the hill in the middle of the road. As I stood, I felt like my shoulder was out of socket so I tried to pop it back in. Bad idea. I dragged myself out of the road without getting hit by any cars and then I started screaming for help. Two Samford professors, with names I unfortunately don't remember, helped me out and took me to my house. Ashley got a voicemail of me screaming because I thought I had pressed end but the phone was still on.
In the emergency room with Ashley I cried like a little bitch. Not because of the pain, but because I thought I would lose my job coaching swimming. Ashley kept going off to help me with stuff and when she wasn't next to me I had time to notice the children. All of the kids were pointing at me, horrified because I was bleeding from my head, arms, legs, shoulders, and back. My clothes were destroyed and they had to take me back immediately because the kids were starting to cry and point at the sight of me.
I am awake. I applied to UNC Chapel Hill yesterday. Somewhat of a relief to have one of my 13 schools out of the way. I am going to be fucking broke when this shit is over. I need to go get groceries on the for real. Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks is on and today is New Years Day. For the first time since I started destroying myself, I stayed in on a New Years Eve. I was completely sober also. I can't exactly place what was so weird about the whole situation. Maybe it's the medicine, or the level of stress, or something i just don't know how to pinpoint. I have been working unusually hard to maintain friendships that I thought were incredibly important. Christmas was the eye opening experience though. For fifteen years I have called certain people and made a point to let everyone know what they mean to me. This year I didn't do that. It was weird. I got a phone call from the people who I have always called, which was great. I love my extended family who I adopted through my life.
Calls are one thing. Texts are another. If I am in the same town though...I would have just thought that things would be different. But somehow, I always knew things would end up like this. I am ready to leave now. There is nothing here for me.
