mmmhmmm

Naslay sprayay (you don't need to breath so easy)

Once, I when I was locked up, I had this song by DOP stuck in my head. Then, a man was brought in who was a murder. He screamed. Other people, like the guard, screamed back at him. Then I had the original version of Darlin by the Beach Boys stuck in my head.

I have been having a panic attack for several days now. I shouldn't be posting on here because it is taking away time from what I probably should be doing. My throat closed up last night. Ashley came into my apartment right as it was happening and I couldn't speak or breath. I thought I was choking on food but I wasn't. Then I was overwhelmingly lightheaded and I had to sit down. So I did not get to ride bikes or hang out like I wanted to last night. Oh well.

with loveand squalors,

f.

I Have to Return My Video Tapes

Like a sex-machine-a. 

Who's to say you have too many samuria swords?

So many good finds lately at thrift stores. I am sure that I have already mentioned the numerous wolf shirts and furniture I have acquired. Yesterday I was about to make some new additions to my things, such as a purple tank top with giant bold text that says, "I'll be back" WTF? plus i found a pair of suede Keds Ankle boots. Lots of polaroid manuals was what I went looking for and I found a good bit of those, so that was a plus. Stole some things. hmmm I am going to go appropriate a chair to do my work in. I want to publish a solid post today on here. We'll see if that happens won't we?

wth lv nd sqlr,

f.

Never Say Never... You Banged A Lot Of Dudes.

Finally, I have finished the web cam project. If you are interested in viewing it or what I am doing, you should go to my site and check it out. It was a project about the voyeuristic aspect in constantly being able to watch what someone is doing without the subject being aware. The camera may not always be on, but I try to keep it up.

I am going to work on my totem pole in a moment. And do a little book making. good day.

with love and squalor,

f.

I Heard You Have A Compilation Of Every Great Song, Ever Done, By Anybody.

I have been trying to keep it business professional via the haircut/facial(-fest-ivities-)hair. Alex pretty much cut my hair into a fade with a come over, which I gotta say, is pretty gnarly. As Always there are a lot of things going on. I have difficulty getting it out sometimes though. I am pretty sure this will be a hard rambling to endure. (For the reader I mean.)

Sharkham and I started hanging out again which is radical. It has been a long time. I am hoping he gets his bike fixed because I don't get to ride with many people often besides Alex, Meeks, and occasionally Sam. 

Time has been getting me down lately. I am confused by how fast it seems to go but when I think back over the past few weeks, just a short period of time seems like an eternity. I am forgetting all kinds of birthdays. My brother-in-law's birthday is coming up soon I know but I can't remember when... Drew had a birthday on Sunday. Sky last week. My days here are numbered and I don't want to be a poor friend, I just honestly can't keep track of much besides school; I even have trouble with that because I almost turned my paper work for my assistantship at UNLV too late to get it. 

I have been job searching. The assistant director of the rec center at UAB has been verbally abusing me. I want to file a complaint about it, but I know that will hardly get anything done. It will just make him leave me alone. I want him to not be able to harass anyone else. I have had to watch him mock me and other employees. He makes fun of me constantly. He has gone off the deep end. I wish that some sort of legal action could be taken against him. Oh well. I already have been hired at the Shades Valley YMCA. I get a pay increase and I think I should either have about the same amount of hours if not more? I also have been applying at other YMCA's, libraries, and city pools. I am starting to realize, my resume is pretty strong, at least for the type of jobs I am applying for. I mean I am on the verge of holding a bachelors degree and I am still applying for temp jobs. That is bullshit. I feel like I am at least worth a little more than 7.55 an hour, esp. when there is a high risk involved in what I am doing.  I am really hoping I get one of the library jobs because I am aching for a change of pace, but I will prob end up taking the YMCA job and staying on at UAB as well. Times are hard and money is tight. All of the book arts and book binding and book repair that I have been learning would really come in handy at a library though... OH! I was looking for jobs and I was actually seriously considering taking a janitorial job at a library in Homewood. It is only on the weekends and I would get like 10-12$ an hour. I wouldn't have to talk to many people. I probably could hide a lot. eh...

I have been putting my nose to the grind stone on my work lately, but I feel that over the past few weeks I have slowly been losing some of my vigor. I keep seeing art in a more general sense rather than just sticking to one medium. I am afraid that if this continues I may spread myself too thin. If this is the case then something will have to be done. I have been meditating a TON, which makes me feel good but I worry that if I am too relaxed and too calm will I lose my edge? Reminds me of "Losing My Edge" by LCD Soundsystem... 

Anyways from all the meditating and trying to relax and calm down, I have spent a lot of time walking around with Esme. I am glad to spend time with her and I like doing these things. It has forced me to look around me and I reassess my surroundings constantly. Almost everyday I have a new perspective on things. This temporality is frightening but at the same time it can be relieving.  Taking a step back is probably okay, but I have to be careful. I have been thinking about returning to A Country Boy Can't Survive. I will probably do that before summer, but summer is an ideal time to work on it.

I keep reading and re-reading On Photography. I doing a project about it. I am basing a piece off of it. So anyways. Everything Will Be Okay.

With Love and Squalor,

f.

oh yeah,

Native Americans Made All My Sweaters With Wolves On Them.

I did not get as much done yesterday. However, I did break out the cut-offs. Lucky for everyone who saw me, they were the pair with the greatest difference between each leg. (About an inch/inch and a half). Currently, I am on the day before my final spring break of my undergraduate career. I must say, I am am surprised at how quickly my undergrad has gone by. Fuck...I am feeling nostalgic. I am going to go chug boiling coffee. 

much love and squalor,

f.

First he came out then he started getting procedures done...

I am doing a lot of writing in notebooks today... but I am going to try to post a second time today.